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by on August 21, 2014 10:49 AM

DEAR MARY: My wife and I made a terrible mistake and bought a house that I don’t think we can afford. We dumped all of our money from the sale of our last home into it and now we have run out of money. It is not even close to being done. My wife is a stay-at-home mother of three and I work full time. I bring home about $5,500 per month with a house payment of $2,230. We have a $442 car payment and credit card minimum payments of about $250. My wife has student loans of around $26,000 with payments of $293 per month.

We have moved my oldest son to six different homes in eight years, but he has remained in the same school. My wife says we cannot sell this house under any circumstance because of fear of damaging him. Also, she is embarrassed and does not want anyone to know that we got in over our heads. She has always dreamed of having a big beautiful home, and I want to give this to her because she deserves it. I need help. I have never been so scared. On one hand I feel this is unsustainable, and on the other I am scared of losing my family if I tell them we can’t afford to live here.

DEAR JEFF: You are right. Devoting 60 percent of your net income to debt is unsustainable. Your ship is about to capsize. You have a choice to go down with this sinking ship along with all of your passengers or move quickly to get everyone into a lifeboat and safely to shore.

Find someone to take care of the kids for a few hours and get your wife out of the house. Go to a quiet place where you can talk uninterrupted. Put your emotions aside and lay it all out. You cannot afford this house. You must sell it. Each day you delay brings you one day closer to foreclosure and bankruptcy.

Your wife is not your little princess; you are not her sugar daddy. She is your financial partner. Together, you made one colossal mistake. You went absolutely house crazy. You let someone else (Realtor? lender?) sell you on how much house you could afford.

Jeff, you cannot continue to live in fear — fear of your wife being embarrassed, fear of not giving her the home she’s always dreamed of, fear that you’ll ruin an 8-year-old forever if he has to move again, fear that if you tell the truth you will lose your family. Put your emotions aside and face facts. Trust your wisdom, step up and take a leadership role in this family. Eventually they will respect you for it.

DEAR MARY: I have two credit card debts: $15,989 at 9.24 percent and $12,619 at 9.00 percent. I received a check from an inheritance for $12,370. Should I pay some on both accounts or lump the whole amount on one? I currently am able to pay $400 a month towards each balance. We have $650,000 in retirement accounts and both of us contribute 15 percent to our 401(k) plans. Thanks! — Sandy

DEAR SANDY: Pay off that smaller balance. Come up with the additional $300 or so from somewhere and get it paid in full. Start making $800 monthly payments to the remaining balance. You’ll be debt-free in about 20 months. Put those cards away and do not add another nickel in new purchases. Happy for this windfall, sorry it has to go to pay debt.

Mary invites questions at, or c/o Everyday Cheapskate, P.O. Box 2099, Cypress, CA 90630. This column will answer questions of general interest, but letters cannot be answered individually. Mary Hunt is the founder of, a personal finance member website and the author of “Debt-Proof Living,” released in 2014. To find out more about Mary and read her past columns, please visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at
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